You think it’s alright
Hooking up with guys who have partners seemed to be a reoccurring thing for me on Grindr this summer. I would end up meeting up with some guy, DL or otherwise, hooking up, and during the sometimes awkward small talk, they would reveal that they had a partner. About 1/3 of the time they were in a heteroship (or whatever the heteros call it, lol), and over half the time it was not an open relationship. One day I ended hitting up a profile that seemed too good to be true, he had a pic covering his face, and it was just one of those blurry pics that seemed fake. But I was in the area, so I just gave it a shot. He replied to me immediately, sent his address and said he was looking for RIGHT NOW, that he didn’t have a lot of time. So I went, it was less than a 5 min drive from where I was, when I got there I saw it was an apartment complex, so I wasn’t too worried that he was going to murder me or something (as I imagine that it’s a common thought to have at least once prior to a hook-up). I go up the stairs and knock, he opens the door, and to my surprise, he was a super attractive guy, really muscular and hairy, tall with a beard. We go into the room, and we get to it, no time wasted for sure. After, he did say that his boyfriend was on the way and that I had to leave immediately, which I was more than happy to do at that point. He hadn’t disclosed he had a boyfriend prior on Grindr, so I asked if he was in an open relationship, and he smiled. I got it.
We ended up doing that a couple of more times, I was fascinated by this guy. For me, he was the type of guy I fantasied about many times, but never thought I’d ever be with in bed. I was really turned on by him, and the situation, that his BF didn’t know. He was aggressive and rough, yet submissive when the power shifted towards me. We did talk here and there, he would tell me about his relationship, work, school. I always forget that being DL about something is hard sometimes, lives and relationships have to work around that. I was reminded of how you can love someone and still do shit like this behind their back. He did eventually stop hitting me up and having me over, I was a little bummed out. He later told me he had been busy with school.
One night I stopped by the park late night after drinking at the bar, he was there. I was actually surprised to see him there, and I immediately remembered that I had actually seen him there a year or so ago. I had gone cruising once about a year prior, and I saw this muscular middle eastern guy with two other guys fucking. I wanted to give them their space, so I left to another spot. And now that I was seeing him again, It hit me that it was him who I saw before at that same spot. He was now surrounded by at least 5 other guys. When he saw me, he greeted me and asked how I was, and that he missed me. He gave me a hug and kissed me. He was fucking some guy. I stuck around to watch with the other guys.
The thing about cruising is that you get what you see, right. And you get to choose whether you want to engage with someone that you find attractive or not. And there is a thrill about it because you never know who or what you may find. That being said, this man was doing everything with everyone, and I mean everyone. I think that when cruising, sometimes standards are lowered somewhat, I accept that, but damn, this guy did not care who was in front of him. It’s kind of hypocritical to say that I was turned off, but I started to wonder why he was doing that. I know there could be a lot of reasons one might, but at that moment I was trying to wrap my mind around it. I started feeling bad for his BF, for some reason. The way he made it seem before was that his BF was cheating on him too, but he never said he knew for sure. And I KNOW it’s all hypocritical, but I wanted to share this because at that time all I could think about was how I never wanted to be in a relationship ever again. I didn’t want THAT to be happening in my relationship, I didn’t want to be getting cheated on, especially LIKE THAT! Needless to say that I haven’t hooked up with him since.